Thinking of the last day you were here. I'm not sure why, as it breaks my heart every single time. I still cannot bare to listen to Comfortably numb. I just can't. That was the last song we heard together. You left us at 2 mins 57 seconds into it. I cannot bare it. I wish I could as it reminds me of you. Maybe one day.

I remember looking back at the hospital as we walked out with our family. I felt like I was leaving you there. As if I was abandoning you. You hated hospitals. It makes me sad that you left in a place where so much pain happens. I seem to be revisiting those days more often lately. I don't want to, but I do. Grief is so very strange. I don't think I will ever understand it.

Always daddy.

For you daddy. Its from you're art. The outline is you'res. The swirl on the back legs is inspired from Watership Down. Its just a little part of you I will carry on my body. The rest of you I will hold onto tightly in my heart. For always daddy. I love you. 

My handsome daddy in Paris. Thinking of you papa Bear. Always.

I love you daddy.

Happy 10th wedding anniversary! It's the last thing either of us want to think about. Another celebration without you.  Christmas and new years were very hard, it doesn't seem to get any easier. 'Times a healer'....it's not. Life is very saddening right now, rather heartbreaking. I don't cry now, I don't understand why though, because I feel like crying everyday.  Everyday I think and remember...the memories. It really breaks my heart that I cant see you anymore.

We were so close, yet now we are so far away from each other. George Michael is another addition to the concert up in heaven. His loss was very sad news, I bet it is to you too as you never really liked his music. We both miss you so much. I can't really explain how much of a loss you are, it hurts too much for words. I still cannot believe this has happened to us. I still can't believe you have been taken from us. It hurts so much. Yet we both smile and plod on. For the life of me I will never figure out how...oh daddy, we miss everything about you. I gave aunty M her christmas present from you, in a way we stuck to tradition. As I would always choose the perfume from NEXT that I think she would like the most. We love you daddy. We miss you more everyday, every minute, every second.