Found this on dad's ipad. It was written 11 November 2015 ♡

Thoughts on Autumn

There are dark clouds drifting over the Edge
But slices of sunlight highlight the trees
Blazing yellow and gold with autumn tints.
Patches of blue sky give hope
As I gaze from the windows
Heavy with dark thoughts for the future.

A buzzard drifts into view
Wings full of brimstone and molten gold,
On fire with late October light.
It circles the Edge
With barely the flap of its wings.
As Autumn is taking its hold
Each spent leaf that falls
Seems to take with it a memory
And I fear the emptiness,
The loss of summer bird song
And the butterflies imposing
Their colour and the mysterious
Conversation of bees.

Its my birthday on Thursday daddy. My first birthday without you. I am going to miss you more than ever on that day. (I know what you're thinking dad, and its not because of the mass of presents you would always get me!). It is because I will no longer be able to celebrate the date of my birth with you. I wont even be able to hug you Papa Bear. It makes me both sad and angry that you have been stolen from me. 

Its still so very hard, some days I don't know how we get through days. Sometimes I think people believe we are magically cured and don't feel the grief any longer. Just because we smile and laugh, it doesn't mean we aren't crying. You are not here anymore. That is something that we will struggle with for a very long time. Because whether you knew it or not daddy, you were a very special person to a lot of people. I love you Papa Bear, so very much. 

I will enjoy my birthday, because that is what you would want me to do.