We brought the tree down the other day, me and mum. The whole thing was horrible. As if this year could not get any worse. Now we have to celebrate Christmas without you papa. Both of us would quite happily skip the 25th of December. Though we would probably say that about a good many things this year. We wont see you on Christmas day, I can't even explain how much that hurts.

I am a big kid when it comes to Christmas even when I went into my 20s I still have the same childish habits. You won't have to suffer me waking you up at half 7 in the morning. We won't do our traditional waiting on dad game, while you spend a million years in the bathroom. Even when mum is already in the living room sat on the sofa and I am sat in my traditional place on the floor eyeing up the presents and spreading them out so it looks like I have more (embarrassed to say I did this last year: aged 24 then!).We won't do the dad's finally downstairs trousers and all stage, but then we are into the go and make a cup of tea stage. Even though you have just had one in bed. After the cup of tea, when you think we are just going into the opening presents level. Think again. Its not Christmas without the blasting of Annie Lennox's Christmas album. Which dad would then take his time locating. Finally the music is on, its time!

All in all dad as usual would be the last one in the living room. Though as I got older, instead of opening my presents straight away as I would have done as a child. I would pass presents to my parents to open first, they would open them one at a time. As we had a sequence; dad, mum then me. (founded by the placement of sofas in the room, as a result the leather sofa was undeclared dads and therefore nearest to me; seeing as I was closest to the presents that's just how it always was). I would get excited about what they have, especially if it was from me. I'm so glad I got to the stage in my age where I was thoughtful about what I got them and how happy dad would get if it was something he loved aka the Detectorists tv series Dvd collection from last year.Though it makes me unbelievably sad now. Now we go into clothes shop and walk past the men's section, even the LPs section in other shops, the fantasy collection of books...it goes and on and on.

Its worse now, definitely. Christmas is everywhere, I used to love it so much. Now I just want it to do one. I will try though daddy, mum is trying as well. We love you. We miss you more every single second.